Saturday, April 09, 2005
LOVE
Webster's New World College Dictionary says this:
love (luv)
1) a deep and tender feeling of affection for or attachment or devotion to a person or persons
2) an expression of one's love or affection
3) a feeling of brotherhood and good will toward other people
4) a. strong liking for or interest in something (love of music) b. the object of such liking
5) a. a strong, usually passionate, affection of one person for another, based in part on sexual attraction b. the person who is the object of such an affection; sweetheart; lover
6) a. sexual passion b. sexual intercourse
7) tennis score of zero
8 Theol.) a. God's tender regard and concern for mankind b. mankind's devotion to and desire for God as supreme good
Pride
Having some pride in yourself and what you do or have done is a good thing. It gives you self confidence and boosts your self esteem. But you should let go of it, at least some of it, when you are in a relationship. (Keep in mind I am not saying let go of all of it). The type of pride a person should get rid of is the type that makes a person believes he or she is right all the time. If you believe that you are right, that's good. You have your belief, I respect that. However, you should learn to accept or respect the other person's belief and opinions. Many people become defensive about stuff that is mentioned by the other person when it comes in conflict with their belief, which often results in arguments. That should not happen. Your special someone is not your boyfriend or girlfriend without a reason. Learn to respect their beliefs or opinions and trust that they will respect yours as well. When there is conflict, don't just listen; THINK about what they are saying. If you realize you are wrong, you have to be able to accept that and admit it. Your bf or gf will not laugh at you or look down on you if you admit you are wrong.
Trust
Trust is a key ingredient in relationship. Learn to trust the other person. Of course, I understand you are probably thinking that "hey, it is easy for you to say." I agree with that. It is easy to say than do. I will be blunt about this: if you cannot seem to trust who you are with, then either you are just not ready for any relationships or he/she is not the person for you to be with. Trust with friends can be given time to be formed. But having a boyfriend or girlfriend is a different thing. It is a must from the very beginning of a relationship. Why would you want to be with someone you cannot trust? You are truly committed to the relationship because you like the other person and trust them. So if they are out with their friends, let them be. Trust them to be doing the right thing. Don't call all the time asking where they are, what are they doing, and who are they with. Give them their freedom because relationship should not be a handcuff. If your girlfriend with another guy, that does not necessarily mean she is flirting with him or having sex with him. Trust her. Vice versa.
Jealousy
In an overall definition, jealousy is the sign of a lack of trust. You don't want the a person of the opposite sex, or sometimes even as worse as a person of the same sex, to be with your special someone because you are afraid that they might do something, such as cheating on you. But like I said in the topic above on trust, you need to learn to trust your boy or girl in not having any affairs with another person. If you cannot trust them no matter how hard you try, then like I mentioned, either you are not ready for a relationship or your guy or girl isn't the right person for you because sometimes it's their action or feelings that make you feel that way. There are however, an exception which I have personally been through that slightly modifies the definition of jealousy. You may trust them and know that they will not cheat on you, but still feel jealous. Why? And how? Simply because you like them so much (or sometimes because you are possessive) that you want them to show how much they like you back by giving their attention to you and not to others. You would want them to be with you and not with others. When you feel this way, it is ALWAYS best to talk to your partner about it and solve it together.
Friends
**This situation depends on you. If you do not accept what I'm about to say, it's okay**There are often situations that occur in which there are two friends who like the same person. It is understandable, that if you were involved in the situation as one of the two friends who like the same person, you would typically be caring for your friend and give up the person for him/her in order to keep the friendship. Just to make things easier, say you are the girl (sry guys =P ) and you and your other friend likes this guy. You gave him up because you did not want to hurt your friend, even though you like him a lot + he has shown interests in you. Is that the right thing to do? Before I answer that question, what is the definition of a TRUE friend? There is a complicated definition to it, but one part is that a true friend would want his/her friend to be happy and would have no regrets if that happens. Now lets see an example.
This is like a situation of two worms and one bird. The two worms have the same wish, which is to not get eaten (but in this case both people want to be with that third person). But in the eyes of the bird, all it is thinking about is, "I'm hungry. This one looks more appealing to me. I have more interest in this one." … or "Damn I'm one hungry, feathery mofo, I'll take both of you!" lol joking about the second part. But yes, as I have explained, it really depends on the other person too. If he has shown interest in your friend, then let them be together because you, as a true friend, would want her to be happy. But if he shows interest in you the same way you showed him, go for it. I know you are thinking that I just mentioned how a true friend would want his/her friend to be happy. But remember the last part. I said without regrets. If she is your true friend, she would be happy that you two are together happily and she would not be hurt, so don't feel bad about it. I know it sounds harsh, but if she is your true friend, she would want the best for you. And plus, if she acts all hurt and stuff, although it is understandable in a certain way, she needs to learn to grow up because... just because she likes him doesn't mean she can be with him. Would a relationship work if he has no interest in her? No. If people are not meant to be, then they just aren't. It's life, it’s the reality, deal with it and grow up.
Parents
Arghh... parents. More than often, parents will stand in you way with your special someone. They may not like your special someone and they may be critical of him or her. A good communication with your parents and his/her parents is always good. Show them how you feel and your parents should understand you and support you. But then of course, there are times in which your parents, or his/her parents, are very stubborn, protective, or unsupportive about the relationship you two are having.. or for whatever other reasons they are using. Tough it out. Don't let parents get in your way if you two like/love each other a lot. This may sound really wrong, and I'm sorry about it, but parents are not supposed to ruin your happiness. If they tell you that you cannot be with him or her without a good reason (such as he/she is doing drugs, breaking laws) then they are not being caring and supportive as parents should be. You have the right to be happy. It is your life in the future, not theirs. Do you really want them to ruin it for you? I am sure that they would want their son or daughter to live a happy and successful life in the future than a life with an abusive husband or uncaring wife. You like your bf or gf because you believe you have a chance with him/her in the future whether the chance is 100% or not and that he/she can take care of you and be there for you. So if your parents dislike your special someone without a good reason, tough it out. Eventually things will work out. Hope that they will understand and accept him/her over time. If they are still against it, I still think you two should stay together forever even though it is against their own will. I believe that in true love, there should be nothing that will stand between the two people.
Understanding ` Communication
Communication is very important in relationships. A relationship simple cannot succeed with a lack of communication... or good communication. Sometimes, it is not bad to be wordy. Give them details about certain stuff to prevent confusions and misunderstandings that may possibly occur later on. I'm not saying that you should tell your boy or girl everything. Would he want to know in detail about your period? Would she want to know how many times you’ve picked your nose today? I doubt it. I'm sure you get my point. Ladies, if you are feeling bad about something, tell him how you feel! Tell him whether he asked you or not about how you feel. Don't be a child and be like 'Oh he doesn't seem to care so I won't tell him unless he asks.' Don't do that! Homies, it's the same thing for you as well. It isn't a sign of weakness if you show your feelings or emotions. Keeping things within you is a nono. When your bf or gf tells you something, be sure to listen to them and understand why they are feeling that way. Listening is not good enough, you need to understand. For example: If your girl is supposed to be going to the library as she had told you but you find her with this other person, guy or girl, DON'T TRIP! Be PATIENT and RATIONAL and listen to their explanation first because the plan might have changed in the last second and she hasn't had a chance to tell you. Don't risk an argument for nothing.
Distance
You have to know, long distance relationship is a tough relationship. In normal relationships you can have your special someone with you physically. In long distance, he/she cannot be there all the time. Trust and patience are essential to long distance relationships. If you really love him/her, you will learn to be patient and stay in it. Nothing can stand between the two people if it's true love, not friends, family, or distance. Take this as a test in the strength of your relationship. If you can make it through, this is real. Both people must really love each other to have this relationship because this is a big commitment. It will not work if they just like each other. Why? Because the liking one another is not usually strong enough to overcome the loneliness from distance. The couple must be strong as well and believe in each other, that one day they will be together and never separate =)
love (luv)
1) a deep and tender feeling of affection for or attachment or devotion to a person or persons
2) an expression of one's love or affection
3) a feeling of brotherhood and good will toward other people
4) a. strong liking for or interest in something (love of music) b. the object of such liking
5) a. a strong, usually passionate, affection of one person for another, based in part on sexual attraction b. the person who is the object of such an affection; sweetheart; lover
6) a. sexual passion b. sexual intercourse
7) tennis score of zero
8 Theol.) a. God's tender regard and concern for mankind b. mankind's devotion to and desire for God as supreme good
Pride
Having some pride in yourself and what you do or have done is a good thing. It gives you self confidence and boosts your self esteem. But you should let go of it, at least some of it, when you are in a relationship. (Keep in mind I am not saying let go of all of it). The type of pride a person should get rid of is the type that makes a person believes he or she is right all the time. If you believe that you are right, that's good. You have your belief, I respect that. However, you should learn to accept or respect the other person's belief and opinions. Many people become defensive about stuff that is mentioned by the other person when it comes in conflict with their belief, which often results in arguments. That should not happen. Your special someone is not your boyfriend or girlfriend without a reason. Learn to respect their beliefs or opinions and trust that they will respect yours as well. When there is conflict, don't just listen; THINK about what they are saying. If you realize you are wrong, you have to be able to accept that and admit it. Your bf or gf will not laugh at you or look down on you if you admit you are wrong.
Trust
Trust is a key ingredient in relationship. Learn to trust the other person. Of course, I understand you are probably thinking that "hey, it is easy for you to say." I agree with that. It is easy to say than do. I will be blunt about this: if you cannot seem to trust who you are with, then either you are just not ready for any relationships or he/she is not the person for you to be with. Trust with friends can be given time to be formed. But having a boyfriend or girlfriend is a different thing. It is a must from the very beginning of a relationship. Why would you want to be with someone you cannot trust? You are truly committed to the relationship because you like the other person and trust them. So if they are out with their friends, let them be. Trust them to be doing the right thing. Don't call all the time asking where they are, what are they doing, and who are they with. Give them their freedom because relationship should not be a handcuff. If your girlfriend with another guy, that does not necessarily mean she is flirting with him or having sex with him. Trust her. Vice versa.
Jealousy
In an overall definition, jealousy is the sign of a lack of trust. You don't want the a person of the opposite sex, or sometimes even as worse as a person of the same sex, to be with your special someone because you are afraid that they might do something, such as cheating on you. But like I said in the topic above on trust, you need to learn to trust your boy or girl in not having any affairs with another person. If you cannot trust them no matter how hard you try, then like I mentioned, either you are not ready for a relationship or your guy or girl isn't the right person for you because sometimes it's their action or feelings that make you feel that way. There are however, an exception which I have personally been through that slightly modifies the definition of jealousy. You may trust them and know that they will not cheat on you, but still feel jealous. Why? And how? Simply because you like them so much (or sometimes because you are possessive) that you want them to show how much they like you back by giving their attention to you and not to others. You would want them to be with you and not with others. When you feel this way, it is ALWAYS best to talk to your partner about it and solve it together.
Friends
**This situation depends on you. If you do not accept what I'm about to say, it's okay**There are often situations that occur in which there are two friends who like the same person. It is understandable, that if you were involved in the situation as one of the two friends who like the same person, you would typically be caring for your friend and give up the person for him/her in order to keep the friendship. Just to make things easier, say you are the girl (sry guys =P ) and you and your other friend likes this guy. You gave him up because you did not want to hurt your friend, even though you like him a lot + he has shown interests in you. Is that the right thing to do? Before I answer that question, what is the definition of a TRUE friend? There is a complicated definition to it, but one part is that a true friend would want his/her friend to be happy and would have no regrets if that happens. Now lets see an example.
This is like a situation of two worms and one bird. The two worms have the same wish, which is to not get eaten (but in this case both people want to be with that third person). But in the eyes of the bird, all it is thinking about is, "I'm hungry. This one looks more appealing to me. I have more interest in this one." … or "Damn I'm one hungry, feathery mofo, I'll take both of you!" lol joking about the second part. But yes, as I have explained, it really depends on the other person too. If he has shown interest in your friend, then let them be together because you, as a true friend, would want her to be happy. But if he shows interest in you the same way you showed him, go for it. I know you are thinking that I just mentioned how a true friend would want his/her friend to be happy. But remember the last part. I said without regrets. If she is your true friend, she would be happy that you two are together happily and she would not be hurt, so don't feel bad about it. I know it sounds harsh, but if she is your true friend, she would want the best for you. And plus, if she acts all hurt and stuff, although it is understandable in a certain way, she needs to learn to grow up because... just because she likes him doesn't mean she can be with him. Would a relationship work if he has no interest in her? No. If people are not meant to be, then they just aren't. It's life, it’s the reality, deal with it and grow up.
Parents
Arghh... parents. More than often, parents will stand in you way with your special someone. They may not like your special someone and they may be critical of him or her. A good communication with your parents and his/her parents is always good. Show them how you feel and your parents should understand you and support you. But then of course, there are times in which your parents, or his/her parents, are very stubborn, protective, or unsupportive about the relationship you two are having.. or for whatever other reasons they are using. Tough it out. Don't let parents get in your way if you two like/love each other a lot. This may sound really wrong, and I'm sorry about it, but parents are not supposed to ruin your happiness. If they tell you that you cannot be with him or her without a good reason (such as he/she is doing drugs, breaking laws) then they are not being caring and supportive as parents should be. You have the right to be happy. It is your life in the future, not theirs. Do you really want them to ruin it for you? I am sure that they would want their son or daughter to live a happy and successful life in the future than a life with an abusive husband or uncaring wife. You like your bf or gf because you believe you have a chance with him/her in the future whether the chance is 100% or not and that he/she can take care of you and be there for you. So if your parents dislike your special someone without a good reason, tough it out. Eventually things will work out. Hope that they will understand and accept him/her over time. If they are still against it, I still think you two should stay together forever even though it is against their own will. I believe that in true love, there should be nothing that will stand between the two people.
Understanding ` Communication
Communication is very important in relationships. A relationship simple cannot succeed with a lack of communication... or good communication. Sometimes, it is not bad to be wordy. Give them details about certain stuff to prevent confusions and misunderstandings that may possibly occur later on. I'm not saying that you should tell your boy or girl everything. Would he want to know in detail about your period? Would she want to know how many times you’ve picked your nose today? I doubt it. I'm sure you get my point. Ladies, if you are feeling bad about something, tell him how you feel! Tell him whether he asked you or not about how you feel. Don't be a child and be like 'Oh he doesn't seem to care so I won't tell him unless he asks.' Don't do that! Homies, it's the same thing for you as well. It isn't a sign of weakness if you show your feelings or emotions. Keeping things within you is a nono. When your bf or gf tells you something, be sure to listen to them and understand why they are feeling that way. Listening is not good enough, you need to understand. For example: If your girl is supposed to be going to the library as she had told you but you find her with this other person, guy or girl, DON'T TRIP! Be PATIENT and RATIONAL and listen to their explanation first because the plan might have changed in the last second and she hasn't had a chance to tell you. Don't risk an argument for nothing.
Distance
You have to know, long distance relationship is a tough relationship. In normal relationships you can have your special someone with you physically. In long distance, he/she cannot be there all the time. Trust and patience are essential to long distance relationships. If you really love him/her, you will learn to be patient and stay in it. Nothing can stand between the two people if it's true love, not friends, family, or distance. Take this as a test in the strength of your relationship. If you can make it through, this is real. Both people must really love each other to have this relationship because this is a big commitment. It will not work if they just like each other. Why? Because the liking one another is not usually strong enough to overcome the loneliness from distance. The couple must be strong as well and believe in each other, that one day they will be together and never separate =)
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