Monday, May 16, 2005
Back...
It's me blogging again. And this time i really feel like blogging...damnit. Feeling rather melancholic now, a sense of helplessness. Not exactly to the extreme, juz a tinge...a tiny weeny bit. And for no particular reason...juz a feeling.
I'm still waiting for my CLT letter, not particularly a gd thing esp when ur frenz who signed up received it a week ago. It's deja vu, a petimistic anticipation all over again, except the last time i was in ks' shoes. Shocked i was, for i never thought i would be in the same predicament. Especially for an application which was endorsed by the Deputy Principal and my TO. Especially for an application from HC, the supposedly top school. Esp when the applying cadet comes from the CHS unit, the one which attained Gold for a solid consecutive ten years. Esp when there are only 3 applications this year. I thot accepting my application was juz a formality.
Well...not that they have any grounds to reject it, perhaps maybe for my rank and NAPFA result. Not convincing grounds to reject it either, esp for an organization which stressed that "the rank is juz a piece of cloth". Neither is NAPFA test a gd reason, esp when they have a category called "Standing Broad Jump". A pointless category, which appear to but doesnt test ur leg power at all. But afterall, it is a screwed up, hopeless organisation...so what can i expect?
Dont be mistaken. I m not particularly devastated by the rejection, juz a bit fustrated since i have been saying 'no' to anything which i m interested in but fall in the hols. 19 days, perhaps it's juz a blessing in disguise? Who knows? Now i've a relatively free hols, no events watsoever. Can juz sit down and start mugging, even though tt's sth which i'll definitely refuse to do. Perhaps i will enjoy a relatively slack days since a long time. Maybe i will juz find some stuff to keep me preoccupied, like volunteer work etc. Well...I dont noe.
My mum refused to let me donate blood. It's quite dumb for 16 and 17 years old to have to ask for parental consent...seriously. Parents will most likely feign ignorant and say that blood donation will cause you to be fatigued, harmful to ur body, excessive loss of blood, blah blah blah. Something which needs no explaining, cos it's impossible to impart your biological knowledge to her "out of the world" mind. I know tt's one of the few things that she disagreed with me upon. Not tt she'll mind if i reached home at 5am, even though i dont...not yet. But blood donation is something which i wanted to do all along, something which i have commited myself upon. It was something which when i was a kid i promised myself to do. It's horrible, watching ppl dying because there's not enough blood in the bloodbank, and when u know u can do sth about it. It's someone's life. It's a matter of happiness to ppl who are around him. And there is more to it. Nvm. Forget it. I hope she understands that i have done my best to convince my mum. And i m quite sure i will donate blood as soon as i reach 18.
It's 3am now...and there's schl tmr. What the fuck i m still doing down here...typing on this blog? FUCK IT! Screw HC, i m fucking tired of it. In 3 hours time i will be fucking dragging myself out of my bed, and it will be juz a struggle to open my eyes. Then i will force myself to change into crap HC uniform, and walk to the nearest busstop. After that i will be facing the daily dilemma, whether to run or not. Damnit. I hate this fucking routine. And if not for repaying my mum for the good she has done to me, if not for preventing her from becoming too upset, i m not sure if i will be doing it. I m a filial boy, or at least trying to be, although there arent much to prove it. Not many are convinced, but it doesnt matter. Because i know i am, and she knows it too. That, to me, is enough.
It has been for years i put up with all these nonsense. This just isnt my type of life, or should i say there is an alternate lifestyle within me. So mum, if u're reading this...i hope u arent, if i break down all of a sudden...if i cant take it any longer...please, at least when reprimanding me, know that i have been trying all this while.
I'm still waiting for my CLT letter, not particularly a gd thing esp when ur frenz who signed up received it a week ago. It's deja vu, a petimistic anticipation all over again, except the last time i was in ks' shoes. Shocked i was, for i never thought i would be in the same predicament. Especially for an application which was endorsed by the Deputy Principal and my TO. Especially for an application from HC, the supposedly top school. Esp when the applying cadet comes from the CHS unit, the one which attained Gold for a solid consecutive ten years. Esp when there are only 3 applications this year. I thot accepting my application was juz a formality.
Well...not that they have any grounds to reject it, perhaps maybe for my rank and NAPFA result. Not convincing grounds to reject it either, esp for an organization which stressed that "the rank is juz a piece of cloth". Neither is NAPFA test a gd reason, esp when they have a category called "Standing Broad Jump". A pointless category, which appear to but doesnt test ur leg power at all. But afterall, it is a screwed up, hopeless organisation...so what can i expect?
Dont be mistaken. I m not particularly devastated by the rejection, juz a bit fustrated since i have been saying 'no' to anything which i m interested in but fall in the hols. 19 days, perhaps it's juz a blessing in disguise? Who knows? Now i've a relatively free hols, no events watsoever. Can juz sit down and start mugging, even though tt's sth which i'll definitely refuse to do. Perhaps i will enjoy a relatively slack days since a long time. Maybe i will juz find some stuff to keep me preoccupied, like volunteer work etc. Well...I dont noe.
My mum refused to let me donate blood. It's quite dumb for 16 and 17 years old to have to ask for parental consent...seriously. Parents will most likely feign ignorant and say that blood donation will cause you to be fatigued, harmful to ur body, excessive loss of blood, blah blah blah. Something which needs no explaining, cos it's impossible to impart your biological knowledge to her "out of the world" mind. I know tt's one of the few things that she disagreed with me upon. Not tt she'll mind if i reached home at 5am, even though i dont...not yet. But blood donation is something which i wanted to do all along, something which i have commited myself upon. It was something which when i was a kid i promised myself to do. It's horrible, watching ppl dying because there's not enough blood in the bloodbank, and when u know u can do sth about it. It's someone's life. It's a matter of happiness to ppl who are around him. And there is more to it. Nvm. Forget it. I hope she understands that i have done my best to convince my mum. And i m quite sure i will donate blood as soon as i reach 18.
It's 3am now...and there's schl tmr. What the fuck i m still doing down here...typing on this blog? FUCK IT! Screw HC, i m fucking tired of it. In 3 hours time i will be fucking dragging myself out of my bed, and it will be juz a struggle to open my eyes. Then i will force myself to change into crap HC uniform, and walk to the nearest busstop. After that i will be facing the daily dilemma, whether to run or not. Damnit. I hate this fucking routine. And if not for repaying my mum for the good she has done to me, if not for preventing her from becoming too upset, i m not sure if i will be doing it. I m a filial boy, or at least trying to be, although there arent much to prove it. Not many are convinced, but it doesnt matter. Because i know i am, and she knows it too. That, to me, is enough.
It has been for years i put up with all these nonsense. This just isnt my type of life, or should i say there is an alternate lifestyle within me. So mum, if u're reading this...i hope u arent, if i break down all of a sudden...if i cant take it any longer...please, at least when reprimanding me, know that i have been trying all this while.
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