Saturday, May 14, 2005
Well...
There's really nothing much to say these days, not tt anyone will listen to them anyway. Neither do i know why i ended up typing this entry, except for the fact that i reached home relatively early today from SR and promised(well...not really) rach tt i will start blogging? Well...i dont noe, it's juz tt the feeling tt someone is scrutinising my blog and my reflections very very weird, it's juz dont feel correct. And speaking of privacy, the recent two incidents regarding the PSC and AStar shows that a blogger can be held liable for whatever he posts, making blogging less appealing. I mean, it already was unappealing in the first place. Well...wicked told me that the blog is somewhere to seek refuge in, a place where u can really pen down what u feel. I agreed with him wholeheartedly and started lashing out my fustrations on the blog until one fine day...
School life hasnt changed much since the last time i blogged...in terms of relationships and the crap lectures etc, except for the fact that skipping lectures and being late for school are more of a routine now, rather than an exception. Breaking school rules are now part and parcel of life, not that i used to care, but it was bewildering to observe the state i ended up in, considering that i had high aspirations when i entered HC. Yes, a total contrast in terms of the process i planned to undertake (well, being Zhaoweish was close to what i thought i would become) to achieve my aims (esp 4As and 2Spaper Dist). I used to think that a new envt was all that was needed to revert back, but then i was still naive. Not tt i aint now.
Homework wise, well...i no longer give a damn about it...in fact a long time ago, but recently jialing frm my senior class, and ks pointed out to me the importance of at least keeping up with my tutorials. They approached the arguments from very different perspectives, but ended up providing highly convincing reasons on why i should start mugging. I know i have the ability to, but i simply refused. Take it this way, i am a student with a poor attitude. I have totally weird paradigm about tutorials. Yes, doing tutorials are "for our own good", but we have a choice. Well...not really, as to many teachers, but they cant do anything to stop me, can they? Hence, that drive lasted me for only two days.
Wj asked me a gd qn, whether i would be able to catch up if i start now. And the bad part is i m even unsure of myself. Being the hero that i m, doing only 2 phy tutorials, not doing V1 etc, I have far too much territory to cover. Well, it never struck me, it is quite easy to notice that i m someone who lives by the day, not planning ahead of time. That's me. There isnt really much time if my 19 days are occupied. I dont noe where i m leading myself to. And i have heard of stories of last minute heroes who died tragically.
Another thing: I hate labels, i hate stereotypes. I dislike ppl calling me the next Mong Seng or watsoever...because i m myself...uniquely. And it's relatively surprising cos i find myself quite different from him. It's something that is hard to come to terms with. It's not like i dislike mong or wat, but it's just the feeling of being perceived as him, more than myself, sucks.
Neither do i like it when people start calling me things like "the slack genius" or what. No doubt i have outperformed the class in the past tests, but that doesnt mean i m intelligent or what. I do not nid ppl to tell me that i do not nid to do tutorials, cos intelligent people must also study for tests. Neither do i like people telling me about my intelligence relatively to theirs, something non-existant in the first place. In fact, there are times when i feel i m fucking dumb and dont noe what the hell to do. Damnit. It's not good for others to talk about tutorials and me being left out, because i m not in this tutorial buisness, and my comments will be met with the unequivocal but unwelcomed response "you're damn smart". I observed that yj seems to come up with most of the labels, not that i mind cos i called him a mugger in the first place...but haiz...
So tired nowz...originally wanted to write about the SR, but my eyelids are shutting. So good nite!
School life hasnt changed much since the last time i blogged...in terms of relationships and the crap lectures etc, except for the fact that skipping lectures and being late for school are more of a routine now, rather than an exception. Breaking school rules are now part and parcel of life, not that i used to care, but it was bewildering to observe the state i ended up in, considering that i had high aspirations when i entered HC. Yes, a total contrast in terms of the process i planned to undertake (well, being Zhaoweish was close to what i thought i would become) to achieve my aims (esp 4As and 2Spaper Dist). I used to think that a new envt was all that was needed to revert back, but then i was still naive. Not tt i aint now.
Homework wise, well...i no longer give a damn about it...in fact a long time ago, but recently jialing frm my senior class, and ks pointed out to me the importance of at least keeping up with my tutorials. They approached the arguments from very different perspectives, but ended up providing highly convincing reasons on why i should start mugging. I know i have the ability to, but i simply refused. Take it this way, i am a student with a poor attitude. I have totally weird paradigm about tutorials. Yes, doing tutorials are "for our own good", but we have a choice. Well...not really, as to many teachers, but they cant do anything to stop me, can they? Hence, that drive lasted me for only two days.
Wj asked me a gd qn, whether i would be able to catch up if i start now. And the bad part is i m even unsure of myself. Being the hero that i m, doing only 2 phy tutorials, not doing V1 etc, I have far too much territory to cover. Well, it never struck me, it is quite easy to notice that i m someone who lives by the day, not planning ahead of time. That's me. There isnt really much time if my 19 days are occupied. I dont noe where i m leading myself to. And i have heard of stories of last minute heroes who died tragically.
Another thing: I hate labels, i hate stereotypes. I dislike ppl calling me the next Mong Seng or watsoever...because i m myself...uniquely. And it's relatively surprising cos i find myself quite different from him. It's something that is hard to come to terms with. It's not like i dislike mong or wat, but it's just the feeling of being perceived as him, more than myself, sucks.
Neither do i like it when people start calling me things like "the slack genius" or what. No doubt i have outperformed the class in the past tests, but that doesnt mean i m intelligent or what. I do not nid ppl to tell me that i do not nid to do tutorials, cos intelligent people must also study for tests. Neither do i like people telling me about my intelligence relatively to theirs, something non-existant in the first place. In fact, there are times when i feel i m fucking dumb and dont noe what the hell to do. Damnit. It's not good for others to talk about tutorials and me being left out, because i m not in this tutorial buisness, and my comments will be met with the unequivocal but unwelcomed response "you're damn smart". I observed that yj seems to come up with most of the labels, not that i mind cos i called him a mugger in the first place...but haiz...
So tired nowz...originally wanted to write about the SR, but my eyelids are shutting. So good nite!
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