Monday, August 29, 2005

 

Not accepted!!!

1. Introduction

1.1 Project Motivation Outline

Becoming a single parent due to the loss of the child’s lifetime other parent either through by choice or by circumstance, is a highly stressful event and may cause great grief to both the child and the parent(s). Any major change in family structure will result in such stress, no matter how prepared any person involved may be. No matter who is the one who created such a separation, both parties will feel the stress and grief of losing someone whom he or she once thought will life together with for the rest of their lives. A lifetime partner is the most important aspect to every married couple’s lives. The lost of such a partner undoubtedly will create chaos and grief in the affected parties’ heart.

Single parents may feel a need to stuff their emotions, keeping themselves fully occupied with doing things that can distract them from their grief for as long as possible so as to escape from feeling wretched and lonely. While feeling wretched, the parent still have to put up a brave and strong front in front of their children, setting a good example for the children to follow. It would not be good if he or she cries all day long in front of the child. This will only produce another cry baby. Society needs brave and confident people, not weak and miserable people who are unable to face the world. Hence it is important for the parent to set a good example in front of the child, not matter what.

The lost of a lifetime partner through death, breakup, or divorce create certain common response in a person that can be found in most people in such circumstances. However, each people grieve differently for different period of time. With the increasing number single parents in Singapore, it is hence important to develop a full package of service that helps single parents cope with their misfortune.

1.2 Project Rationale (Elisabeth Kübler-Ross M.D. Grief Model)
     
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross M.D. who was a psychiatrist and the author of the groundbreaking book On Death and Dying, developed a five-stage grief model that single parents go through. This model is greatly adapted and used in many organizations that provides help and various services to single parents. This is also the model that we will base our entire project on when coming up with our Integrated Welfare and Housing Service for Single Parent Families.

These 5 stages are not always experienced by everyone in the same order. Some single parents may also undergo certain stages more than once, while others may not experience certain stages. Events involving single parents or their partner may also trigger certain stage of the grief model. These events may include looking through former partner’s belonging or learning that the former partner is involved with a new relationship.

1.2.1 The Denial Stage (This can’t be happening to me!!!)
This is the period of time where the single parent cannot accept the loss of change in his or her life. This may be due to the fact that the loss or change is sudden or not anticipated. It is often hard to accept such unexpected or sudden loss. Hence, disbelief and denial will cause the affected to feel that “This can’t be happening to me!” Such a stage often occurs when the partner died suddenly without warning, or was caught involving in some intimating acts with other people. The single parent will often feel that maybe one day his or her dead partner will appear at the doorstep one day and explain their absence. It is simply impossible for them to believe that their partner is really dead. For those who discovered that their partner was not faithful to them, they may want to pinch themselves to see if it was all nothing but a bad dream.
Our project helps single parents overcome this stage by building a network of support between all single parents living in our estate so that they can help and provide emotional support for each other when need arises. Counseling services can also be provided in our Welfare Centre which we planned for in our estate. More elaboration can be found in chapter X.X of this report.
1.2.2 The Anger/Resentment Stage (Why should this be happening to me?)
Anger or resentment to the former partner is evidence when it is not the decision of the single parent in question to call for the separation. The single parent in question would feel that he or she is the “unlucky” one. Their thoughts may be something like “I have done nothing wrong! It is all my partner’s fault! Why am I made to suffer this? Why should this even happen to me?” Such flow of thought can lead to anger or resentment towards oneself or the partner. Anger and resentment is a strong emotion and can manifest under the smallest provocation. Anger and resentment can cause the single parent in question to lose control of themselves and do irreversible damage or harm to themselves and also those around them.
Hence it is important for single parents undergoing such a stage to live in our estate which provides an ideal environment for them. They will be living with people who had underwent the same thing as them and who would not provoke the single parent in question until acts of violence through excessive rage had chance to manifest themselves and cause irreversible harm. Our planned Welfare Centre can also monitor single parents undergoing such a stage closely to provide tailor-made counseling services.
1.2.3 The Bargaining Stage (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)
This stage often occurs as a result of the denial stage. The single parent in question will start making deals or promise with themselves in order to change the situation, in order to get their former partners back. Those with a dead spouse may bargain with god for chance to meet their dead spouse again, those with broken relationship may try to compromise or negotiate a reunion with their former partner if hopes of repairing the relationship still exists.
Our planned Welfare Centre can make such reunion a reality with capable counselors and careful planning with close cooperation with the single parent in need of our help.
1.2.4 The Depression Stage (I don’t care anymore)
Once the single parent in question is past the Denial Stage and has accepted that nothing is going to change the fact that he or she has now become a single parent and totally on their own, that acknowledgement of this reality may lead to depression. This depression is normal and not alarming, as this involves the lost of someone whom the single parent in question once thought would be the one who would live with them forever. Single parents in this stage may have suicidal thoughts, unrelenting lethargy and may be unable to function reasonably.
Single parents in such a situation are desperately in need of medication attention and extensive counseling. Once again, our Welfare Centre can do the job.
1.2.5 The Acceptance Stage
In this stage, the single parent in question is finally able to accept his or her current state and have positive feelings about his or her abilities to move forward. The future will seem bright and cheerful all of a sudden and life will seem bearable enough to live on. Some single parents may find that he or she is ready to accept a new partner into their life to help look after themselves and their children.
Matchmaking services provided in our estate can provide for our clients in this aspect.
1.2.6 Financial Asistance
Other than providing for the emotional needs for single parents, our project will also provide financial help in the form of subsidies for single parents who are unable to afford the flats. Textbook sharing can also be put into place to help needy students who are children of single parents living in the estate.
(add more.. I unsure what other stuffs we planned)
1.2.7 Etc… (What other things will our project be touching on? I nid more info)

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